The Leadership Collision – When Authenticity Lacks Accountability

Authenticity has been a buzzword within the last couple of years but authenticity, by itself, isn’t enough. It must be balanced with awareness…… but awareness of what?

Renowned addiction expert, speaker and author Dr. Gabor Maté said something that I have repeated endlessly:

“We have a deep need to attach, a deep need to belong, and a deep need to be authentic.”

All three are true and supports their collective position on the Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. But in the real world of leadership…especially under pressure….these three social needs can conflict with one another.

Because here’s the thing:

Sometimes, being “authentic” can damage relationships, erode trust, and isolate us, if we don’t pair it with self-awareness and social awareness.

This can and will create challenges in any relationship but when this happens at the top of an organization, the consequences can be disastrous and in the following example, deadly….

I recently watched the Netflix documentary: *The Titan: OceanGate Submersible Disaster.*

Before i say anything further…my thoughts are with the families and loved ones of those who lost their lives. It was a heartbreaking tragedy.

And yet, beyond the loss, I’m still processing what I saw.

This wasn’t just a story about a failed dive.

It was a powerful case study in what happens when leadership becomes untethered from relationship management, accountability, and in particular, emotional intelligence.

What struck me most wasn’t only the technical flaw. It was also the *human* flaw.

✅ A CEO who dismissed decades of engineering advice.

✅ A whistleblower fired for raising concerns.

✅ A culture where questioning leadership was framed as disloyalty.

✅ Repeated warning signs ignored in the name of “authentic” vision and innovation.

✅ And ultimately….lives lost because no one felt safe or empowered enough to stop the mission.

Let that sink in: a company where ego was authentic, but feedback was punished.

I watched that documentary through the lens of performance systems, emotional intelligence, and culture—the very things I work on with organizations daily.

And the message couldn’t be clearer:

Authenticity without emotional intelligence is not leadership—it’s a liability.
Culture without psychological safety is not strength—it’s a setup.

We must Lead with Heart and Spine…Emotional Intelligence Is Non-Negotiable!!

Why Being “Real” Isn’t Always Enough

There’s this growing push toward being “real”….what we call “authentic”…and while it is important to know how to do that, I believe that authenticity cannot stand on its own.

Why? Because your version of being real might clash with someone else’s sense of safety or belonging. You might call it “just being honest,” but they might experience it as aggressive, dismissive, or even disrespectful.

That’s why emotional intelligence matters…especially for leaders.

You need:

– Self-awareness – to recognize your triggers and tendencies.
– Social awareness – to read the room and understand others’ emotional states.
– Relationship management – to navigate tough conversations without rupturing trust.

You Can Be Tough and Still Be Human

Let’s be clear:

Appealing to people’s social needs doesn’t mean we can’t be firm. It doesn’t mean we lower standards or avoid difficult conversations.

But it does mean we handle those moments with care. We follow up. We check in. We explain. We stay human while being decisive.

Too many leaders think “I’m just here to get the job done” is a badge of honor. But if the way you do it leaves people afraid, resentful, or shut down….you’re doing the job at the cost of the system.

So, What Can You Do?

Here are 5 ways to navigate the social needs of people while pursuing high performance:

1️⃣ Normalize Difficult Conversations

If your team can’t disagree with you, they won’t protect you from bad ideas or blind spots. Make disagreement safe. Build the kind of trust where truth can interrupt momentum before a crisis does.

2️⃣ Respect the Experts, and allow the conversations

Whether it’s a technician, a junior analyst, or your longest-serving driver – when people speak from experience, listen like it matters. Air time means nothing without authority.

3️⃣ Build Psychological Safety

Fear of speaking up is often louder than the problem itself. Create an environment where people feel safe saying the uncomfortable thing…..even if it contradicts you.

4️⃣ Balance Vision with Verification

Big dreams don’t cancel out basic discipline. Make sure you’re not moving so fast toward your vision that you bulldoze the processes and people meant to keep you grounded.

5️⃣ Ego Is Not a Strategy

Authenticity is powerful. But when it becomes about proving something, defending yourself, or silencing others, it’s not leadership anymore. It’s protection.

The Real Job of a Leader

Leadership is not just about delivering results. It’s about delivering them in a way that doesn’t cost your people their dignity, their voice, or their sense of belonging. We all want to be real.
 We all want to belong.
 We all want to contribute meaningfully. And great leaders know how to honor all three.

The leaders who leave a lasting legacy are those who can stand firm in their convictions and remain open to being influenced. They can have the tough conversations without stripping away humanity. They can make decisions under pressure without losing the trust of their people.

That balance…heart and spine…isn’t just a leadership style. It’s a discipline. And it’s built one conversation, one decision, and one moment of awareness at a time. So, before you act, pause. 
Before you respond, listen. 
And before you defend your position, ask yourself: “Will this build trust, or will it break it?”

Because the way you show up today will echo far beyond the results you deliver—it will shape the culture you leave behind.

Lead with courage. Lead with care. Lead with heart and spine.

Great leaders hit the target without wounding their people.

Tony Ragoonanan is the Founder of  V-Formation Training & Development. As a Certified Emotional Intelligence/Performance Strategist, he helps individuals, teams and organizations to align skills, behaviours and outcomes. Outside of this, it’s all about family,  football, and fitness!!

868-681-3492 | tonyr0909@gmail.com