“Unlocking True Authenticity: More Than Just a Trend”

Until I reached my thirties, I struggled with assertiveness. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I was not assertive at all. I tiptoed around my own thoughts and feelings, terrified that speaking up might cause conflict or backlash. The weight of unspoken emotions and unmet needs took a significant toll on my overall health. Mentally and physically, the weight of bottled-up emotions and unmet needs wore me down. I was playing it safe, but it was costing me.

Over time, I recognized the necessity of adopting a more assertive communication style. I had to learn to navigate interactions and express myself more confidently. In other words, to be more authentic.

Authenticity is often described as living in alignment with one’s true self—embracing our values, goals, and genuine emotions without bending to societal expectations or the judgments of others. When we reveal our true selves, we open the door to deeper connections, as people are more likely to resonate with us on a meaningful level. This authenticity can strengthen both personal and professional relationships.

But what does it truly mean to be “one’s true self”? That’s the heart of the journey toward understanding authenticity.

I will challenge “being yourself” as an excuse for authenticity. Is someone with harmful tendencies “just being themselves”? The real challenge is to do so responsibly and this requires a level of self regulation instead of simply being impulsive.

However, responsibility is something we have to explore a bit.

What if someone is disrespectful? Is that authentic?

But what exactly is disrespect? I’ve been in conversations where simply disagreeing or questioning someone’s view is immediately labeled as disrespect. For many, disrespect is a matter of perception, and it’s not always clear-cut. I’d say it crosses into true disrespect when it becomes immoral or intentionally demeaning—then it’s clearly inauthentic. But let’s be real, authenticity doesn’t mean aligning with everyone. It’s about being true, not necessarily agreeable, and standing firm without crossing into harmful territory.

Authenticity is not about being “liked”

According to Mike Rowe, Host of “Dirty Jobs” – “To be truly authentic, you can’t worry about being liked. Otherwise, you’ll be seen as pandering. On the other hand, you can’t appear too indifferent, or you’ll be perceived as aloof. Authenticity requires a weird mix of consistency and apathy. This is the paradox and this is also why authenticity is easier for assholes than non-assholes.”

And this “weird mix” is where the solution is.

As Brené Brown eloquently states,

“The problem is that when we don’t care at all what people think and we’re immune to hurt, we’re also ineffective at connecting. Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”

Vulnerability, often misconstrued as a weakness, is actually a powerful strength. By embracing our imperfections and sharing our true selves, we forge deeper connections in our relationships. In leadership roles, vulnerability fosters openness, creativity, and a culture of problem-solving. It sends a powerful message that no one has all the answers, and that’s okay.

The point is you can be truly authentic if you have the courage and you make the choice to be.

Speaking about choice, let’s look at this piece of advice:

If you have something to say, ask yourself; is it true? If not, keep your mouth shut. If it is true, ask yourself; is it helpful? If yes, speak up!! If not, keep your mouth shut.

What do you think?

Embrace Congruence, Reject Impulse

Emotions like frustration or anger aren’t reliable guides, and gut instincts can lead us astray. Authenticity is only constructive when it’s paired with self-awareness and discernment.

While self-awareness is a valuable asset, rigidity can hinder growth. Effective leaders must remain adaptable and open to change.

As the ancient philosophers understood, virtues must be tempered with wisdom. Courage, for example, can become reckless without prudence. Likewise, authenticity, without consideration for others, can lead to self-centeredness. To lead authentically, we must harmonize our genuine selves with the needs of those around us.

The key to this balance lies in congruence. By aligning our thoughts, words, and actions, we build trust and credibility, essential qualities for any leader.

Making Authenticity a Part of YOU

The best approach is this: “Am I being congruent in what I say, think, and do?” This question encourages us to balance authenticity with wisdom. Authenticity is more than a buzzword; it’s a choice to communicate with integrity and a commitment to creating lasting, positive impact.

The following is a great infographic from Shane Snow, Author of Dream Teams. CEO of SHOWRUNNER.

Authenticity, while valuable, is not the sole measure of character. True wisdom involves balancing our emotions with reason. By using our feelings as a catalyst for thoughtful consideration, we can make choices that are both authentic and beneficial.

It’s important to distinguish between courageous authenticity and careless self-expression.

While honesty is crucial, it must be tempered with empathy and understanding.

To embody this balance, embrace congruence. By aligning our thoughts, words, and actions, we build trust and foster genuine connections.

What leads to this ……

Applying the 4 Core Components of Authenticity

1. Self-Awareness: Recognize your strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and motivations.
2. Relational Transparency: Be honest with others about who you are without hiding or exaggerating.
3. Balanced Processing: Evaluate information objectively and openly considering different perspectives.
4. Moral Code: Uphold ethical standards that guide actions, even when it’s challenging.

The True Definition and Final Thoughts

Authenticity is about congruence, empathy, and growth, not just “being yourself.” It requires self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and a commitment to act responsibly. Authentic leaders aren’t afraid to show vulnerability, but they do so thoughtfully, ensuring that their actions align with their values. The ultimate goal is to lead with integrity, creating a lasting, positive impact on those they lead. In the end, authenticity isn’t a fixed trait—it’s a dynamic practice of aligning who you are with the values you stand for and the impact you seek to make.

“True virtue is about the willingness and strength to stand up, speak up, and show up when it truly matters.”

– Tony Ragoonanan

Tony Ragoonanan is the Founder of  V-Formation Training & Development. As a  Performance Management Specialist and Emotional Intelligence Trainer, he helps individuals and organizations to align people, frameworks and outcomes. Outside of this, it’s all about family,  football, and fitness!!

868-681-3492 | tonyr0909@gmail.com