Don’t Obsess Over Outcomes, Light the Path

Last week, my 12-year-old son got into the car after football practice, visibly upset. He started venting, once again, about his team’s loss, blaming his teammates for not doing this or that right. I’ve seen this reaction a few times before. While I thought to myself, “It’s just practice,” I didn’t want to downplay how seriously he took the game. However, despite the fact that his team had won some practice games, his complaints after losses were becoming more frequent.

A couple of weeks earlier, I had noticed that his usual intensity during games would sometimes wane when his team started losing. Even though it’s a joy to watch him play, I realized it was time to go beyond the typical “What’s wrong?” and attempts to comfort him. It was time for a deeper conversation about how he was processing these moments.

I asked him what he thought his teammates could have done differently and what he could have done differently as well. I also asked if those changes would have made a difference in the outcome. His response was, “I don’t know.” The aim of the conversations was to at least start the process of having him focus on his performance instead of putting all his energy into winning. I also had him read “Who Moved my Cheese” by Spencer Johnson after which we discussed a couple of the takeaways, especially on “adaptability”.

While having clarity on a goal is important, and the excitement of eventually having it may keep you going, it is not the “vehicle” that will get you there. For example, you may be excited to see your favorite restaurant ahead and it’s exciting to think about getting there but you still have to walk or drive to it.

The Problem with Outcome Obsession

In our goal-driven society, it’s easy to become fixated on outcomes. Whether it’s landing that dream job, hitting a fitness milestone, or achieving financial success, we often measure our worth by the results we produce. But what happens when the outcome isn’t what we hoped for? When we fixate on the end result, we put immense pressure on ourselves to succeed.

This pressure can create anxiety, fear of failure, and a sense of inadequacy if things don’t go as planned simply because the result is now threatened. We may also lose sight of the present moment, missing out on valuable experiences and lessons along the way.

Obsessing over outcomes can also lead to a rigid mindset, where we become less adaptable and open to new possibilities. This can cause us to give up before we even open the door.

In extreme cases, this obsession can cause us to take shortcuts, compromise our values, or make decisions based on fear rather than genuine passion. It can also lead to a sense of emptiness once the goal is achieved, as we realize that the joy we expected to feel isn’t as fulfilling as we imagined.

Why we should shift

So, how can we shift our mindset from outcome obsession to process focus? It starts with understanding that the journey is just as important—if not more so—than the destination. By embracing the process, we allow ourselves to be fully present in the moment, enjoying the small wins and learning from the challenges. When you’re not fixated on the end result, you can approach tasks with a calmer mindset, allowing you to perform at your best without the constant worry of achieving a specific outcome.

Focusing on the process means setting goals, but not letting them dictate your self-worth. It’s about taking pride in your efforts, no matter the result. When you’re process-focused, you’re more likely to persevere through setbacks because instead of being solely attached to a specific outcome, you’re committed to growth, learning, and continuous improvement.

This mindset also keeps you open to new opportunities, allowing you to pivot as circumstances change, leading to more innovative outcomes. Finally, by finding joy in daily actions rather than obsessing over results, you sustain motivation, avoid burnout, and remain committed to your goals, making it easier to navigate challenges and achieve lasting success.

3 ways to Cultivate a Process-Focused Approach

Detach from the Outcome: While it’s natural to hope for a positive outcome, practice detachment by understanding that the outcome does not define you. Focus on what you can control—the effort you put in. Focus on how you want to approach the journey. For example, instead of only aiming to lose weight, set an intention to maybe focus on your diet and choose a physical activity that you enjoy. Stay present in the moment by also practicing mindfulness. Whether through meditation, deep breathing, or simply paying attention to your surroundings, mindfulness helps you stay grounded in the process.
Celebrate and Reflect: Acknowledge and celebrate the progress you make, no matter how small. These victories keep you motivated and remind you that progress is happening. Also, take time to reflect on your journey. What have you learned? How have you grown? Reflection helps you appreciate the process and stay aligned with your values.
Develop knowledge and skills: Acquisition of knowledge and skills helps you to master the “now.” It builds the foundation. It builds technical and social skills. When you invest in building your expertise and capabilities, you equip yourself with the tools needed to navigate situations and people effectively and confidently. This shift in focus allows you to engage more deeply with your team and the tasks at hand, making the journey itself a source of satisfaction and growth.

Quit obsessing over outcomes, simply define them and begin to embrace the process of getting there. This is a powerful way to live a more fulfilled and balanced life. Remember, life is a series of moments, and by staying present in each one, you allow yourself to experience the true richness of the journey.

“If you can’t describe what you are doing as a process, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
-W. Edwards Deming

Tony Ragoonanan is the Founder of V-Formation Training & Development. As a Performance Management Specialist and Emotional Intelligence Trainer, he helps individuals and organizations to align people, frameworks and outcomes. Outside of this, it’s all about family, football, and fitness!!

868-681-3492 | tonyr0909@gmail.com

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