Be Aware of Toxic Positivity!!

Do you hide painful emotions?

Do you ignore problems to appear strong?

Do you feel guilty for being sad or angry?

Do you dismiss or minimize the negative feelings of others?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, toxic positivity might be lurking in your mindset. Positive thinking promotes the mind’s power and our ability to shape reality through conscious thought. While this concept has merit, some push it too far, crossing into the realm of toxic positivity.

“Toxic positivity refers to an intense or enduring pressure to be happy, often through maintaining a positive outlook, no matter how difficult or troubling the circumstances.” – Erin Engle, Psy.D., Psychologist at NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center.

“Toxic positivity seems well-meaning, but it feels negating to the person receiving it. ” – Jenn Kennedy, Ph.D., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist.

I fully understand the importance of optimism and positive thinking for mental well-being, and this is important, but realistically, nobody can be like this 100% of the time because life simply isn’t always positive. Sometimes, we experience difficult situations and the emotions that go along with them. This is a simply a part of being human and there are things that we need to give some attention to.

Recognizing and dealing with our emotions openly and honestly and can lead to greater psychological health. It’s not about being weak; it’s about strengthening ourselves, meaning that the ability to recognize and manage our emotions is what actually makes us stronger.

The “Big Picture” is that poor mental health impacts our lives significantly, but many people don’t realize its effect on businesses as well.

Here is some evidence of the state of the world as it relates to mental health…

The Fourth Annual Mental State of the World Report (2023) by Sapien Labs provides an evolving global map of mental wellbeing. The project utilizes the Mental Health Quotient, or MHQ, based on dimensions of Mood and Outlook, Social Self, Drive and Motivation, Mind-Body Connection, Cognition and Adaptability and Resilience.

“The expectation may have been that once the lockdowns lifted and the threat of COVID-19 subsided that our collective mental health would begin a recovery towards its pre-pandemic levels. However, the data across 64
countries argues otherwise – that the effects of diminished global mental wellbeing have become a new normal.”

The following are 3 key findings from STATE OF THE HEART GLOBAL 2024 (6 Seconds, The Emotional Intelligence Network):

“Global emotional intelligence scores have declined for four consecutive years. From 2019 to 2023, global average emotional intelligence scores declined 5.54%; scores on every individual competency also dropped”
“The world has entered an “emotional recession” – characterized by low wellbeing and high burnout. Wellbeing scores declined for the past four years, dropping 5.3%”
“Gen Z faces a mental and emotional health crisis fueled by loneliness and social isolation. In the workplace, 53.7% of Gen Z scored in the low satisfaction category – signaling especially high risk for disengagement and burnout for younger workers.”

While many factors contribute to these results, certain external patterns stand out; increased screen time at a young age, diets high in processed food, work and the challenges within friendships and family relationships. However, how we communicate with ourselves and others has the potential to significantly influence how we navigate and address these issues. What’s more is that it has the potential to get to the “root” of issues because they address what is happening internally.

Here are just a few reasons why toxic positivity is harmful:

During a challenging time, you might hear phrases like these, “Just stay positive,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” While well-intended, these comments can shut down your true feelings.
When expressing disappointment or sadness, someone might say, “Happiness is a choice.” This implies that someone can simply “flick the switch” and choose happiness within any moment. Is mental illness a choice too? People often have good intentions when making these statements, but they can be more harmful than helpful.
It causes you to avoid uncomfortable emotional situations, leaving issues unaddressed.
It makes you feel that planning for what can go wrong is negative.
An abusive person might use it to minimize another person’s emotions and experiences, downplaying the seriousness of their actions.
It can deny you the support you need, as others may think you’re always a pillar of strength.
It hinders your growth and ability to manage yourself.

Although optimism is beneficial during challenges, past traumatic experiences can still affect people and need to be addressed.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity:

In order to avoid toxic positivity, here are 4 points to keep in mind:

Understand that It’s OK to Not Be OK: Accept that it’s unrealistic to be okay all the time. Find meaning behind difficult situations; and look for possible solutions by asking the right questions. Answers bring solutions as well as more optimism.
Accept Your Emotions Before Taking Action: Don’t deny your emotions, recognize them. Negative emotions can cause stress when unchecked but also provide important insights that can lead to beneficial changes. It allows you to manage them in the future so that you don’t feel helpless.
Reframe negative perceptions. For example, in a difficult situation, instead of saying to yourself, “Think positive,” say something like, “The way I am feeling is valid. What can I do differently?” The same approach can be applied when dealing with others. Rather than saying someone is “difficult” try, “what is a different approach I could use to influence this person?”

It’s important to distinguish between reframing a situation and toxic positivity.

4. Don’t shut people out: When someone expresses a difficult emotion, don’t dismiss their emotion with toxic positivity. Let them know their feelings are normal and that you’re there to listen and support them. The same goes for you, if the roles are reversed.

A solution then becomes a possibility. This puts you in a better position to respond to this type of situation in the future. This will also help to identify if there may be a deeper issue preventing the action.

I realize that there are certain people who are consistently pessimistic and negative. In this case it is still important, especially if they are a member of your family or coworker who you interact with daily, to ask the questions that would get to the root of the issue and find solutions instead of having them fret over it, making things worse.

Takeaways

Toxic positivity often creates a false narrative of reality. By learning to spot it, you can cast it out and offer (or receive) more genuine support during tough times.

Start paying attention to what you to yourself others during difficult situations. Allow yourself and others to feel all emotions—both the positive and the negative. You may not be able control feelings but you can control/manage how you react.

Tony Ragoonanan is the Founder of V-Formation Training & Development. As a Performance Management Specialist and Emotional Intelligence Trainer, he helps individuals and organizations to align people, frameworks and outcomes. Outside of this, it’s all about family, football, and fitness!!

868-681-3492 | tonyr0909@gmail.com

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