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“Unlocking True Authenticity: More Than Just a Trend”
Until I reached my thirties, I struggled with assertiveness. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I was not assertive at all. I tiptoed around my own thoughts and feelings, terrified that speaking up might cause conflict or backlash. The weight of unspoken emotions and unmet needs took a significant toll on my overall health. Mentally and physically, the weight of bottled-up emotions and unmet needs wore me down. I was playing it safe, but it was costing me.
Over time, I recognized the necessity of adopting a more assertive communication style. I had to learn to navigate interactions and express myself more confidently. In other words, to be more authentic.
Authenticity is often described as living in alignment with one’s true self—embracing our values, goals, and genuine emotions without bending to societal expectations or the judgments of others. When we reveal our true selves, we can sometimes open the door to deeper connections, as people are more likely to resonate with us on a meaningful level…but only if your “true self” has an element of emotional intelligence embedded within it.
Therefore, for some, there is definitely a need to be more authentic and for others, their version of authenticity may not always be healthy. The question becomes, how self aware are you about your “true self”?
This is the question we have to ask if authenticity is to strengthen both personal and professional relationships.
The “true self” is what we really have to explore.
Let us challenge it….. Is someone with harmful tendencies “just being themselves”?
What if someone is disrespectful? Is that authentic?
But what exactly is disrespect? I’ve been in conversations where simply disagreeing or questioning someone’s view is immediately labeled as disrespect. For many, disrespect is a matter of perception, and it’s not always clear-cut. I’d say it crosses boundaries when it becomes immoral or intentionally demeaning—That may be authentic for some…but it is helpful?
Being authentic is saying, “This is how I feel.”
Adding emotionally intelligence to it is saying, “But I also care how it lands.”
However………
Authenticity is not about being “liked”
According to Mike Rowe, Host of “Dirty Jobs” – “To be truly authentic, you can’t worry about being liked. Otherwise, you’ll be seen as pandering. On the other hand, you can’t appear too indifferent, or you’ll be perceived as aloof. Authenticity requires a weird mix of consistency and apathy. This is the paradox and this is also why authenticity is easier for assholes than non-assholes.”
If this is authenticity, can authenticity stand on its own?
As Brené Brown eloquently states,
“The problem is that when we don’t care at all what people think and we’re immune to hurt, we’re also ineffective at connecting. Courage is telling our story, not being immune to criticism. Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
This type of vulnerability, often misconstrued as a weakness, is actually a powerful strength. By embracing our imperfections and sharing our true selves, we forge deeper connections in our relationships. In leadership roles, vulnerability fosters openness, creativity, and a culture of problem-solving. It sends a powerful message that no one has all the answers, and that’s okay.
The point is you can be authentic in a healthy way if you have the courage and you make the choice to be that way.
Making Authenticity a Part of YOU
The best approach is this: “Am I being congruent in what I say, think, and do?” This question encourages us to balance authenticity with wisdom. Authenticity is more than a buzzword; it’s a choice to communicate with integrity and a commitment to creating lasting, positive impact.
The following is a great infographic from Shane Snow, Author of Dream Teams. CEO of SHOWRUNNER.
Authenticity, while valuable, is not the sole measure of character. True wisdom involves balancing our emotions with reason. By using our feelings as a catalyst for thoughtful consideration, we can make choices that are both authentic and beneficial.
It’s important to distinguish between courageous authenticity and careless self-expression.
Embrace Congruence, Reject Impulse
Emotions like frustration or anger aren’t reliable guides, and gut instincts can lead us astray. Authenticity is only constructive when it’s paired with self-awareness and discernment.
While self-awareness is a valuable asset, rigidity can hinder growth. if we are to be truly authentic, we must remain adaptable and open to change.
As the ancient philosophers understood, virtues must be tempered with wisdom. Courage, for example, can become reckless without prudence. Likewise, authenticity, without consideration for others, can lead to self-centeredness. If for example, we are leading a team, we must harmonize our genuine selves with the needs of those around us.
The key to this balance lies in congruence. By aligning our thoughts, words, and actions, we build trust and credibility, essential qualities for any leader.
Here’s what authenticity needs to be truly valuable:
- Self-Awareness: Recognize your strengths, weaknesses, emotions, and motivations.
- Be Real with Others: Be honest with others about who you are without hiding or exaggerating.
- See the Whole Picture: Evaluate information objectively and openly considering different perspectives.
- Moral Code: Uphold ethical standards that guide actions, even when it’s challenging.
The True Definition and Final Thoughts
This is my definition of where I feel authenticity lands:
“Authenticity is the practice of being true to your values, emotions, and identity … not as a raw expression of self, but as a choice guided by self-awareness, emotional regulation, and respect for context.
It involves the courage to show up as you are, while also having the psychological
maturity to adapt, reflect, and grow in relationship with others.”
This is messy, human work. Authenticity doesn’t guarantee harmony, as sometimes, it disrupts, unsettles, or reveals hard truths. But that tension is where progress lives. We don’t get both comfort and honesty; we choose which one serves the moment.
The goal isn’t to be liked, but to be effective: to communicate with enough clarity and care that your integrity outlasts any temporary friction. That’s how trust gets built, not in the absence of conflict, but through it.
“True virtue is about the willingness and strength to stand up, speak up, and show up when it truly matters.”
– Tony Ragoonanan
Tony Ragoonanan is the Founder of V-Formation Training & Development. As a Certified Emotional Intelligence/Performance Strategist, he helps individuals, teams and organizations to align skills, behaviours and outcomes. Outside of this, it’s all about family, football, and fitness!!
868-681-3492 | tonyr0909@gmail.com
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